Review: Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us by Jesse Bering

This is an interesting book to read on the train, or in a hospital. At least your fellow passengers and patients seem to regard you with some interest anyway... or maybe that's just concern. To some extent though, that's Dr Bering's point with this book. Sexual deviance is far more common and far less dangerous than is commonly believed, and shouldn't be regarded with fear or disgust. Even if you are sat across from a grouchy looking redhead reading a suspect-looking book.

Summary: “You are a sexual deviant. A pervert, through and through.” We may not want to admit it, but as the award-winning columnist and psychologist Jesse Bering reveals in Perv, there is a spectrum of perversion along which we all sit. Whether it’s voyeurism, exhibitionism, or your run-of-the-mill foot fetish, we all possess a suite of sexual tastes as unique as our fingerprints—and as secret as the rest of the skeletons we’ve hidden in our closets.

Combining cutting-edge studies and critiques of landmark research and conclusions drawn by Sigmund Freud, Alfred Kinsey, and the DSM-5, Bering pulls the curtain back on paraphilias, arguing that sexual deviance is commonplace. He explores the countless fetishists of the world, including people who wear a respectable suit during the day and handcuff a willing sexual partner at night. But he also takes us into the lives of “erotic outliers,” such as a woman who falls madly in love with the Eiffel Tower; a pair of deeply affectionate identical twins; those with a particular penchant for statues; and others who are enamored of crevices not found on the human body.

Moving from science to politics, psychology, history, and his own reflections on growing up gay in America, Bering confronts hypocrisy, prejudice, and harm as they relate to sexuality on a global scale. Humanizing so-called deviants while at the same time asking serious questions about the differences between thought and action, he presents us with a challenge: to understand that our best hope of solving some of the most troubling problems of our age hinges entirely on the amoral study of sex.

I actually ended up really liking this book. It's been on my wishlist for a while, but I never took the plunge and got a copy in case it was one of those heavy, dry scientific non-fictions or one of those fluffy popular science books. In the end, it was neither. Dr Bering writes very well and avoids, for the most part, becoming stuffy or condescending. It was an accessible read and one that I enjoyed picking up in the evenings.

The point of Perv, in a nutshell, is that the sexual preferences of others (homosexuality, acrotomophilia, sadism, etc) is completely and utterless harmless in itself and should be treated as such. If it isn't causing any damage, why does it matter? It sounds fairly logical, but then Dr Bering brings up the concept of paedophilia. The meaning has been distorted in recent years, but he points out that the word refers only to those with a preference for young children not those who act upon their desires or have been convicted of a sexual offence. Suddenly the 'has any harm been caused?' doesn't seem so innocuous, but what's the alternative? Imprisoning people for their thoughts?

It's an interesting point. He raises the example of a (hypothetical) necrophilia club that devised a way for their members to have sex with dead people. Each member would donate their body to the club after death so the other members could have sex with the corpse. A study asked participants whether it would be wrong for a man to have sex with a dead woman who has given her body to the club.

Most participants in this study defaulted to a 'presumption of harm' in their moral reasoning. Even when they were told explicitly that the woman didn't have any family members who might get upset if they found out what happened to her corpse, that the club isn't interested in recruiting or harming living people, that neither the man nor any of the other club members suffer any regrets or anguish about their sexuality, that the group's activities are kept private and consensual, that the man used protection to prevent disease, and per her instructions, that the club cremated the woman's body after the man was done having sex with it, people still insisted that somehow or other, someone, somewhere, must be getting harmed.   

Perv looks at why/how we attempt to impose our own morality on others by assuming that a certain sexual preference is 'wrong' and therefore must be harming someone, even when there's zero evidence to support that view. That said, it's not a preachy book at all. Dr Bering doesn't look down from his high horse to lecture on how we should all be more open-minded. It's more of a psychological perspective than a sermon.

I particularly appreciate that the book took the time to explain the differences in sexual 'deviance' between men and women, and gay and straight people. For example, men are much more likely to have a paraphilia (an abnormal sexual desire) than women, but sexuality was irrelevant. A lot of similar books either lump everybody together or only deal with heterosexual male preferences, so the expansive explanation was interesting.

I do recommend reading this. I learned a lot but, more importantly, I actually enjoyeding reading this book too. I was quite happy to just sit with it for several hours on the go - it's fascinating, accessible, thought-provoking and downright enjoyable.

What non-fiction books have you been reading this year? 

Review: The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

I'm simply horrendous at reading books when they're actually relevant - either when they're first released, when the movie version comes out or when my friends are reading and loving it. It usually takes a random flash of inspiration to remind me that a book exists and then maybe I'll finally, finally read it. Or more often, not.

Plot summary:  Charlie is a freshman. And while he's not the biggest geek in the school, he is by no means popular. Shy, introspective, intelligent beyond his years yet socially awkward, he is a wallflower, caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it. Charlie is attempting to navigate his way through uncharted territory: the world of first dates and mixed tapes, family dramas and new friends; the world of sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, when all one requires is that perfect song on that perfect drive to feel infinite. But Charlie can't stay on the sideline forever. Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor.

As it turns out, I had absolutely no idea what this book was actually about. I think I had a vague idea about a coming-of-age novel, something to do with a quiet teenager who finds new friends? While I wasn't strictly wrong (not that I'd ever admit to it if I was), there's a lot more to The Perks of Being A Wallflower than I expected.

Charlie is a slightly odd, quiet teenager who writes long letters detailing his life to the friend of a schoolmate, who he once heard was a decent person. He uses this as a sort-of journal and so we get to hear about the minor dramas that make up Charlie's life. I would have loved to learn more about the recipient of these letters - it's hardly the point of the story, but I do think that perhaps one letter in response would have tied the whole book up nicely.

It actually works really well. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's 'moving,' but there's a certain twist to Charlie's tone that lets you know that there's something undernearth the surface. I think I twigged fairly early on that he has some sort of mental illness, but then I do have a penchant for this kind of book. I loved that it never really felt the need to tell the reader exactly what Charlie has, thus avoiding the labels of 'mental health book.' This way Perks gets to remain a simple coming-of-age novel that's read and loved almost universally.

Charlie is perfect. Slightly naive to the point where you just can't help but want to help him out. I also think he represents a lot of our own teenage anxieties - not necessarily the drama present in his life, but the usual concerns about whether your friends actually like having you around and your parents discovering exactly how much you drank last weekend.

I had a harder time relating to some of the other characters, who don't really seem to be believable teenagers. I accept that they're two years older than Charlie, but they're so... liberal (diplomacy at its best) that it seems like they're already at college. No live-at-home teenager has that much freedom or quite as philosophical a world view.

Sam occasionally irritated me as I think she may be the least developed character, which is odd considering she's probably the second-most important. She reads more like a caricature of a person than any believable approximation, having very lofty ideals towards the end and it did feel like she took advantage of Charlie somewhat, which doesn't fit with everything else we'd been told about her values.

I did not see that ending coming and hadn't even been a little bit spoilered. While I didn't hate it and I don't object to it, I'm still not sure that it was strictly necessary especially as the narrative goes out of its way to state that It wasn't responsible for Charlie's difficulties. It does seem as if the purpose was primarily shock value and that does tend to irritate me.

Spoilery about the ending: 

I do feel that it may trivialise and over-simplify sexual abuse a little. 'Oh, I was sexually abused and so now I sexually abuse other people.'
Well, no. It doesn't always work like that, but it was presented as if this was a perfectly natural and understandable development.

Aaaaaaaaand I'm done.

I do think there's something here for everyone - every teenager who feels a little isolated from their peers, but also every adult who feels grateful that they never have to go through that awkward stage again! The Perks of Being A Wallflower deals with mental illness, sexual awakenings, anxiety, homosexuality, teenage relationships and probably a lot more. There's an awful lot packed into this seemingly simple book and, while it has its faults, I recommend it very highly.

Read Ellie's review of the book and movie here.   

Review: The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

If you hear a tiny cheer coming from a corner of the blogosphere, don't worry, it's just Charlotte. She's been trying to get one of us (any one will do) to read this ever since she adored it back in April 2013.... wow, April? That's scary. Anyway, she eventually bought me a copy as part of a Ninja Book Swap as apparently I wasn't moving fast enough on my own. However, I now agree with Charlotte wholeheartedly - everybody should read this book.

Plot summary: Greece in the age of heroes. Patroclus, an awkward young prince, has been exiled to the court of King Peleus and his perfect son Achilles. Despite their differences, Achilles befriends the shamed prince, and as they grow into young men skilled in the arts of war and medicine, their bond blossoms into something deeper - despite the displeasure of Achilles's mother Thetis, a cruel sea goddess. But when word comes that Helen of Sparta has been kidnapped, Achilles must go to war in distant Troy and fulfill his destiny. Torn between love and fear for his friend, Patroclus goes with him, little knowing that the years that follow will test everything they hold dear.

Mild spoilers if you don't know the outcome of the Trojan War. Which you should.

I actually had no idea what this was about before I picked it up, not even that it involved the Seige of Troy. I have no excuse for this, considering the book is called The Song of ACHILLES. If pressed, I think I would have guessed that the book was a new story about a descendant of Achilles, his namesake or an imitation. 

Anyway, I would have been wrong because this is about That Achilles. In a way, it's probably a good thing I hadn't realised, as it would only have delayed my reading it. It's not that I don't find the Trojan War interesting, but it has been done an awful lot - I've read Troy by Adele Geras, The War at Troy by Lindsay Clarke and of course I've seen the Eric Bana movie. I didn't have much desire to read the same story again just yet.

Except The Song of Achilles is different, so different. Instead of being a boring recitation of dates, places and characters, this book focuses almost exclusively on Achilles and his lover as people, not historical/mythological figures. The war goes on in the background, almost - it's happening and it's still explained thoroughly, but mostly in the context of their relationship.  

To put the difference in context, I have never rooted for the Achaens/Spartans before. Usually I hope fiercely that just this once, the city of Troy will remain unsacked. Inevitably, it never does and I feel sad for all the people who lost their home, children who were murdered and women who were raped. I always want Helen and Paris to be happy together and the invaders to just go home.

Well, I still wanted that this time round but suddenly I care an awful lot more about the Greeks. I have never been even remotely bothered about this side before, but I caught myself wishing that they'd hurry up and invade so that Achilles and Patroclus would be safe.

It's told in the first person which allows the atmosphere and tension to just seep from the page. There's a huge contrast between the peaceful scenes with Chiron at the lake to the drama in the midst of battle. It's as if Madeline Miller sat there and observed the whole thing, scrawling notes on a anachronistic pad of paper - I felt every emotion as if I were present.

I wasn't sure how the first person narrative was going to work all the way through to the end, but it's clever and beautiful and amazing... and I cried on a train. Like, actual tears dripping down my face. I'd love to post quotes but they'd ruin everything.

I don't think this review has actually helped much as I'd have achieved much the same thing by posting a picture of myself with a pathetic expression and a wad of tissue. If you take one thing away from this though, let it be that The Song of Achilles is far more than a dusty retelling of the Trojan War - it's a beautiful and realistic story about a demi-god and a human, and their everlasting love.

This book was:

• The Most Surprising Book of 2014
• The Most Beautifully Written Book of 2014 

Read Charlotte's review of The Song of Achilles at Lit Addicted Brit.